Love and Information Read online

  I thought

  What do you think’s going to happen to you?

  I know but

  and to me and the children did you think about that?

  It seemed like the right thing to do.

  So will we have to change who we are and go and live somewhere else?

  I didn’t say

  and you’ll be a protected witness and all our life we’ll be living in fear in a mobile home in a desert in America?

  I didn’t say who I was, I just made the phone call

  from your own phone?

  no of course not from my own phone, I’m not stupid

  well you are but ok, from a public

  yes of course

  but near here like in the high street

  no I took a train

  you took a train? when?

  today, to make the call, I went to Brighton

  why Brighton?

  I don’t know, it’s somewhere you can go quickly on a train

  so you didn’t go to work? You weren’t at work you could’ve got the kids from school

  I was in Brighton

  I’d have liked a day out in Brighton

  it wasn’t a day out in Brighton, I made the call on a public phone in Brighton, I had a coffee and I got the train back.

  And what did you say?

  I just gave them the name, I said this is the person you want in connection with, no I won’t give my name thank you, goodbye. That’s all.

  But if they know the call came from Brighton and they could find out who knew him who went to Brighton

  they won’t do that, they don’t need to know who I am, they just need to know who to look at

  but if he finds out you went to Brighton

  but he’s not going to know what I did in Brighton

  you can’t be sure of that, what if he’s got a mate in the police who says we got a tip it was you, it came from Brighton, and someone else tells him they saw you get on a train to go to Brighton

  how likely is that? why would he have a mate in the police? of course he doesn’t have a mate in the police, do I have a mate in the police, you’re making a whole thing up that’s not going to happen.

  I don’t see why you had to do it.

  It wasn’t very nice what he did, was it.

  He’s a friend of yours.

  He’s not a friend of mine.

  He’s not now. He doesn’t know he’s not now, what if you see him? what if I see him? what if he comes round here and says the police are on to me what am I going to do can you help me?

  You’re making things up again.

  No I’m not. That’s what’s going to happen.

  TERMINAL

  Doctor, one thing before I go. Can you tell me how long I’ve got?

  There’s not an exact answer to that.

  I’d be grateful for anything you can give me an idea.

  Well let me say ten per cent of people with this condition are still alive after three years.

  That’s helpful, thank you.

  3

  SCHIZOPHRENIC

  How do you know I’m evil?

  I’ve been told it.

  Who by? Who by?

  You know the traffic lights at the corner?

  yes

  i’m getting signals. The ones on the left as you go up from here.

  Ok and what do they say?

  I won’t tell you.

  Why not?

  Because it’s about you, it’s what you’re like, and you know that yourself I’m not going to say it.

  Do they tell you to hurt people?

  Not people. You.

  But you know when you take your medication that doesn’t happen.

  That’s why I stopped because it was making it hard to get the information.

  You do know you’re ill.

  I’ve been told that.

  SPIES

  So we went to war on a completely

  yes but how were they to know

  they did know, they knew, he’d already admitted it wasn’t true

  he said it to the Germans

  and the CIA knew

  but Bush and Blair didn’t know

  didn’t want to know

  they had to rely

  they wanted it to be true

  they thought it was true, everyone thought

  not everyone no, plenty of people, I didn’t, I always knew it wasn’t true

  you can’t have known

  I knew it was all made-up stuff

  and how did you know?

  because of what America’s like, what it wanted to do

  you didn’t know it was made up, you wanted it to be made up, that’s what you wanted to be true.

  And it turns out I was right, didn’t it.

  Do you think you’ve just won an argument?

  DREAM

  I had this dream last night, I was in a garden and there were blackberries, big bushes of brambles, I was picking them, and a butterfly flew across and I could see this orange-and-black butterfly really clearly on a yellow rose, but then the whole thing was a dance because I was at the ballet. And I looked all those things up on a website about dreams, blackberry, butterfly, ballet, and every single one means infidelity. So now I know he’s cheating.

  So you don’t feel you have to be faithful to him any more?

  No, why should I?

  So that leaves the way clear for us?

  Don’t you think?

  Unless it’s not about him.

  Who then?

  You. You and me.

  That would mean we’re definitely going to do it.

  So either way.

  Either way.

  RECLUSE

  Two inside, one outside the door who can be heard.

  Don’t answer

  it’s only

  look through the spyhole.

  You’re right, I thought it was the boy delivering the

  don’t answer don’t

  of course I won’t answer, don’t panic.

  Hello. Hello Mr Rushmore. I believe this is where you live. We saw you going in, we know the car outside is

  make him go away

  shall I speak to him?

  yes no no

  and of course I respect your desire for privacy and it would so much help your thousands of admirers to understand if you could say a few words to us about that privacy about how it feels to live here in a forest miles from

  I’m going to die

  sh it’s all right

  five minutes of your time I could explain to the world why you’ve chosen to leave it all behind and withdraw to this remote

  I should have a gun

  because that would enable you to set the record straight about your ex-wife’s allegations of

  I’m going to bed

  to confirm or deny that you said of the Queen that she

  I’ll have to hide in the cupboard

  to put an end to speculation once and for all about your

  I’d kill myself but they’d write an obituary

  shall I tell him to

  no no because then they’ll write about you

  it doesn’t matter

  it does they mustn’t if they know about you if you talk to them I’ll never see you again

  because we have a photograph of you taken last week in the

  why don’t I just

  ALL RIGHT.

  What?

  Hello, Mr Rushmore?

  I have three things to say. I am now a citizen of China. I have six illegitimate children. I have recently been abducted by aliens and returned to earth unharmed.

  Mr Rushmore, if you could just open the door for a moment

  that’s all right you see that’s fine if I tell him lies that’s fine I haven’t told them anything about myself at all that’s fine I feel fine about that I think that’s fine I think I feel fine about

  and when exactly were you last in China?

  that’s fine that’s fine
r />   good good I’m glad you feel ok about

  and will he go away now?

  in a while he’s sure to go away in a while if we keep

  Mr Rushmore

  Time passes.

  He’s gone.

  He’s gone.

  Well that’s all right then

  yes

  you handled that very

  no I feel

  what?

  I feel terrible I feel

  but you didn’t tell him

  but he knows

  he doesn’t know anything it was lies

  he knows I’m the person that told those lies

  no because he doesn’t know it was lies

  yes but he knows I said

  you mean he’ll work out it’s lies and

  whichever whichever he knows I said those words he knows I was in this room we’ll have to move he knows it was me he knows I shouted out those

  so you don’t feel as good as you

  no no I don’t I feel

  GOD’S VOICE

  God told you to do it?

  He did, yes.

  How?

  How do you mean, how?

  Did you hear words?

  It was the word of God.

  But like something you could hear with your ears, actual words

  from outside you?

  They came into me.

  The words.

  What God said.

  So you didn’t exactly hear…?

  In my heart.

  So how does that work then?

  I was praying about it

  in words?

  sometimes in words, sometimes just

  silently

  the words were silent, I was praying in

  in your head

  if you like, my head my heart

  so sometimes in words and sometimes

  sometimes just being in a state where I was praying

  I don’t know what state that is

  well you’ll have to take it from me there is such a state

  ok, so there you are praying

  praying and not knowing, seeking guidance, open to guidance from God

  ok

  and he told me what to do.

  What’s his voice like?

  Firm. Kind.

  He speaks English?

  What sort of a question is that?

  I know but does he speak rp or have a regional accent? I’m trying to understand what you heard.

  It wasn’t hearing like I hear you but it was hearing.

  And he definitely said do it.

  He said do it.

  In words.

  In words and inside me in knowing it was the right thing to do.

  In your heart?

  Right through my whole being.

  In your toes?

  Yes in my toes, will you stop now?

  THE CHILD WHO DIDN’T KNOW FEAR

  One person tells a story to another.

  Once upon a time there was a child who didn’t know what fear was and he wanted to find out. So his friends said, Cold shiver down your back, legs go funny, sometimes your hands no not your hands yes your hands tingle, it’s more in your head, it’s in your stomach, your belly you shit yourself, you can’t breathe, your skin your skin creeps, it’s a shiver a shudder do you really not know what it is? And the child said, I don’t know what you mean. So they took him to a big dark empty house everyone said was haunted. They said, No one’s ever been able to stay here till morning, you won’t stay till midnight, you won’t last a hour, and the child said, Why, what’s going to happen? And they said, You’ll know what we mean about being frightened. And the child said, Good, that’s what I want to know. So in the morning his friends came back and there was the child sitting in the dusty room. And they said, You’re still here? what happened? And the child said, There were things walking about, dead things, some of them didn’t have heads and a monster with glowing – and his friends said, Didn’t you run away? and the child said, There were weird noises like screams and like music but not music, and his friends said, What did you feel? and the child said, It came right up to me and put out its hand, and his friends said, Didn’t your hair your stomach the back of your neck your legs weren’t you frightened? And the child said, No, it’s no good, I didn’t feel anything, I still don’t know what fear is. And on the way home he met a lion and the lion ate him.

  STAR

  It takes the light two point eight million years to get here.

  So we’re looking at two point eight million years ago.

  It might not be there. It could have died by now.

  So who’s going to see that?

  It might not even be people by then. The sun’s only eight minutes.

  In the morning let’s wait eight minutes and see if it’s there now.

  4

  WEDDING VIDEO

  Several people.

  This is the bit

  this is the funny bit watch

  where he spills

  ah ah ha ha ha

  gets me every time

  and look look the sweet

  and wasn’t she little then

  just a tiny girl in her pink

  and now she’s my god you should see

  and her boyfriend

  have you met him he’s the most

  and there’s that woman

  we never knew who she was

  yes she’s there in the video but who invited

  someone who just goes to strangers’ weddings

  there she is talking to who is that that uncle of yours is it no

  and look at the dresses I mean

  because now you wouldn’t dream

  it shows you it’s history

  yes the children like it because

  and the grandchildren are going to

  and it can go down in the family and they can see

  and all the ones of them as babies and little

  and all the ones of their weddings and their

  but it’s sad we haven’t got our grandparents’ wedding video

  or great great

  or everybody that ever lived videos of

  Henry the Eighth

  Jesus walking on the

  no further back if we had cave if we had Neanderthal

  and dinosaurs

  but who’d be working the camera?

  and things coming out of the sea and tiny specks

  then we’d know we’d know

  we could keep

  we’d know what

  because I wouldn’t remember all this if without the video I wouldn’t remember hardly anything at all about it because I can’t remember anything about that day that’s not on the video not clearly

  I can remember putting the ring

  no I can’t see that in my mind’s

  and someone was sick

  oh look it’s the speeches now listen to Dad’s speech it’s so

  SAVANT

  What did you have for lunch on October the third 1998?

  Chicken soup and a salad. I was at home. I had the chicken soup in a blue bowl. The salad had tomatoes, lettuce and chicory but no onion because I didn’t want my breath to smell of onion when I went to the movies with my brother in the afternoon. The movie began at 2.15.

  What was the movie?

  Godzilla.

  What happened in it?

  You want the whole thing? Shot by shot?

  Can you do that?

  Let’s not do that.

  Ok. I remember Godzilla. There’s a lizard that’s been irradiated by a nuclear explosion so it’s a monster and it goes to New York and the American military drops bombs on it.

  That’s the one.

  What did you do afterwards?

  We walked back to my brother’s place and had poached eggs on toast. I had two cups of tea in his red mug, the one with a chip.

  What was the weather like?

  Rain in the morning but it cleared up. Rain in the evening. Rain the next
morning.

  June the sixth 2004.

  EX

  I’m glad we’ve done it, just to see

  so am I

  after all these years

  because it was very important at the time, it’s been very important

  it has for me, all my life, very important

  so never to have seen each other again would have been

  it would have been impossible

  it would have been sad anyway.

  You remember the Italian restaurant?

  no, yes, on the corner was it?

  with the bushes outside?

  no, I’m mixing it up with

  I can see the waiter now

  no, I can’t get the waiter

  the waiter with the moustache who always smiled so much when we came in.

  I used to have spaghetti carbonara and you had vongole.

  I can’t remember eating, no, I was too busy looking at you probably.

  I really loved you then.

  I loved you.

  I always remember you standing in that field

  I wonder where that was, was it

  all the buttercups.

  I’ve got a really clear picture of you running ahead of me down a street. We were running for a bus I think.

  Do you remember that hotel, we took a room for a couple of hours in a hotel, there was green wallpaper and we stood there kissing.

  I remember the first time

  no, that’s got overlaid by so many other times, I can’t, I remember once by a river, we were practically on a public footpath

  the kitchen, the kitchen at your friend’s house

  which friend?

  I never knew your friends’ names

  was it Chris? Terry?

  I don’t know, you remember the kitchen?

  I might if I knew which house. Did we do it in a kitchen?

  Behind the door. There was soup on the cooker.

  I remember us just looking at each other.

  The time in the street, we just stopped.

  I was thinking more a time when you were sitting on the side of the bed.

  Was that early on or near the end?

  Near the end I think. Do you know the time I mean?

  I sometimes go past that coffee shop.

  Which one?

  The one where we kept trying to say goodbye.

  I think I’ve blotted that whole day out.

  We were really happy.

  Or sad, we used to cry.

  Did we?

  Sometimes.

  MEMORY HOUSE

  to improve my mind

  no but you’ve got a good

  my memory to improve

  forget a lot?

  not not